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Anime Store Diaries
~by Hamster
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Note: This article was
submitted by our own forumketeer, Hamster. If you wish to submit feedback
that she will see you may do so in the forums
or send it to Chiriko
for forwarding. Enjoy her survey of anime store patrons! (FuKumon -- Gotta
catch 'em all!) |
I run an anime store.
That's right I have an anime store and am not an FnO. I
like anime without believing it's the alpha and the omega of entertainment. I
just realized that I was situated in a virtually competition-free college town
which also happens to be one of the few towns [in her home country -Ed.] to
offer Japanese classes. So the concentration of people who seek to buy this
stuff, and would otherwise need to migrate or venture to far-off locations to
purchase anime goods HAD to be high.
I was right, and fortunately the largest part of my
clientele are rather normal, cool people who happen to enjoy a bit of Miyazaki
once in a while.
But there is a dark side to my clientele, too. Strange
creatures who scorn daylight, yet still brave it to get their dose of large eyes
and small mouths. Like vampires thirst for blood, they thirst to impose their
endless wisdom of all things (drawn by) Japanese onto ears which can not escape.
My being female and part Asian*
makes that part of them that wish to impress run wild! This treats me to the
full nature of the beast, in all its... uhh... glory?
*
This
goes for all breeds; these otaku are incapable of telling different kinds of
Asians apart. Even though only part of me is Asian, and not even Japanese, to
them I'll always be "the Japanese girl who runs the anime store."
BEHOLD: THE OTAKU OF MY STORE!
These are, unfortunately, not descriptions of
just one person. They were at first, but there seems to be more and more of each
breed.
The Mumbler: Mumbler is a strange one. He wishes
to impress, but at the same time hopes he isn't seen. He walks around, shoulders
hunched, closely investigating all the merchandise. He whispers comments about
every piece he touches. I believe the desired effect is to delicately sound wise
about the subject at hand. Or maybe he talks out loud since he had no friends to
bring along and discuss the merchandise with; since anime characters often talk
to themselves, it must be acceptable behavior. When his mumbling becomes
irate (upset at a certain missing DVD volume, I believe) and I ask him if I may
be of service, his talkative and open nature seems to melt away like a snowflake
in a volcano. I feel bad; he looks like a hedgehog caught in the headlights of a
speeding car. He stutters, he's shaking, his eyes dart left and right, trying to
find a focus point which isn't so human and female. He manages to settle on the
floor and as his stuttering slowly turns back into mumbles, he dares to ask what
he's looking for. At this point he's like a young child forced to tell Santa
what he wants for Christmas. Once explained what ails him, he'll agree to
anything I say with a faint ".... k...."
Even if I've just asked him
something.
True FnO: True FnO has been described multiple
times on this site. Luckily only one so far has attached himself to my store;
the majority seems to scorn natural light too much and mail order ("or
download!" -Ed.) their
daily/weekly/hourly dose of anime. He smells like a closed gaming room at a
convention which has only DDR stands, he wears T-shirts proclaiming his quest
for oriental women in kanji, is obviously on a all-fat diet and flaunts the fact
that he has no life outside the internet. We will not go into more detailed
description, as everyone knows what this guy looks like and loathes him.
Young Adult Yu-Gi-Oh Player: This charming young
fellow prides himself for being able to beat ANYONE at Yu-Gi-Oh. Despite the
fact that 95% of his opponents are aged 12 and under. He is unable to grasp the
concept that someone might, oh lords banish the thought, NOT be interested in
Yu-Gi-Oh. So despite the fact that I politely point this out to him, he still
seeks to describe in detail pretty much every tournament he has ever played. He
also promised me to bring his collection and show me his "rare cards"
(I'm hoping that wasn't a lewd pickup line), but luckily he never did.
He is also convinced that I, and all store owners who
sell those cards, know by heart which cards are in which packs. But he is polite
enough to play the game along and not ask me. He did say he knew our trick of
putting the packs with the best cards in the bottom of the boxes. Playing along,
I warned him the box he was digging in was dropped a few days earlier and I was
forced to randomly throw the packs back in. He smiled at me saying "Yeah,
sure", grabbed the bottom 2 packs, paid and left.
Fangirl: Fangirl was put onto this world to
impress it with her nonconformity. Therefore, Fangirl has an odd wardrobe. She
skillfully combines all elements of groups known for their being abnormal; her
outfit proclaims her as an anime fan, a goth, a pagan, a punk. Thus she sports
her Evangelion T-shirt, her black flowy skirt, her pentacle necklace, her
trekking boots and her fishnet stockings. She will only listen to the genius
that is J-rock and will try, yet fail, to tastefully apply the same amount of
makeup as her jrock idols. The man of her dreams is described in older CLAMP
works, or Angel Sanctuary (and others in that style). He is handsome, tall,
angsty and invariably, gay. The incompatibility of her gender and his sexual
orientation do not occur to her.
Fangirl often comes with a following of lesser fangirls,
trainee's in the art of Being Different, who are not entitled to an opinion. All
manga and anime titles need first to be approved by the Queen Fangirl before a
purchase can be made. Should she disapprove of her disciples' choices, or should
she not know the title, the young paduwan fangirl will dutifully put the book
back without having to be told to. One follower did come back alone to purchase
a title her lady had dismissed. I believe she will be either severely punished
or promoted. One will never know.
Too Old: An example of what happens when you
never outgrow the otaku phase. Too Old is 45 or over and still wears his DOA
T-shirt. He has a frightening preference for anime with a lot of fan service and
a lot of young girls. If he can't find a satisfying title, he'll look for a low
priced poster or figurine depicting his preference. There is something very
unsettling about selling a middle-aged man a tiny figure of a fragile 14-year
old in bathing suit holding an ice cream cone suggestively...
Almost Fangirl's Dream: He's tall. He's filled
with angst. His life is a collection of tragedy. And best of all, he's gay and
wishes he could wear women's clothes! The fangirl audience is going out of
control; could it be that their perfect man does indeed exist?
Unfortunately, even though he fullfills the basic description, fangirl will be
let down. Despite being apparently perfect, he also suffers from the body odor
of 3 True FnO combined, the worst case of dandruff I've ever seen and not only
being large in height, but also weight. Almost Fangirl's Dream is the reason why
I'm very careful in stocking up on Japanese salty snacks. As he insists on my
letting him eat in the store, I'm whined at about his parents not buying him
women's clothes in an overwhelming aroma of Japanese salty snacks and bad
breath.
I Wish I Was Japanese: This is the only breed of
otaku so far I have encountered in both sexes. I Wish I Was Japanese enters with
a happy "Konnichiwa!" and corrects me with "Irrashaimase"
when I greet them in a language which is not Japanese. I simply smile and nod at
this. I Wish I Was Japanese are the only ones who will buy the largely
overpriced bilingual manga and the foul Green Tea flavoured Youkan. (Youkan
is a kind of red bean pastry, quite good when freshly made, a rape attempt on
your tastebuds when prepacked.) I
Wish I Was Japanese is always "genki" (that means "annoyingly
happy" in Japanese, apparently), searches for the more cultural items and
insists on replacing any word they can by its Japanese equivalent.
Although this is quite annoying, it is
nothing compared to the combination of the True FnO and the I Wish I Was Japanese. This
creature has symptoms of both breeds with the exception of one tragic difference
from the I Wish I Was Japanese which makes them twice as annoying: they use all
the Japanese terms wrongly.
That's it so far. If I force myself any longer to
recollect the stranger parts of my customers at this time at night, for I fear
my dreams will be most unpleasant.
So for now, I bid you all a good night.
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