| Cosplay Bottom Ten:
"Final Fantasy Nightmares" | February 2004 |
The forumketeers make my job so much easier!
This month is dedicated to the otaku who destroy the popular "Final
Fantasy" series of games. While some may marvel at the imaginative world of
the series and others still will comment on how RPGs have become formulaic and
unoriginal, it's still impossible to contest Final Fantasy's occasionally
inexplicable popularity (and I like the games, incidentally). Regardless,
whether you love or hate the games, Square, or RPGs in general, it's more than
easy to agree that these costumers are evil. Don't forget to save the game,
because this month's Bottom Ten will probably kill you faster than that
inevitable stupid Final Fantasy boss that's unbeatable until you get your
characters to level 99 and are willing to give two hours of your life chiseling
away gradually at its 500,000,000HP. Enjoy!
#10 |
Yuffie?
Rikku? Ruffie? |
| The
only reason this girl is at number ten is because I'm not entirely sure
what the fuck her costume is supposed to be, but I'm almost
convinced she's trying to be the Kingdom Hearts version of Yuffie. Where
is she going to keep all the materia she stole? |
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| #9 |
Josh
the Moogle |
| The shirt behind him says
it all, so I don't even need to write a caption for this picture.
Sometimes things just work out perfectly when you're not even trying, kupo! |
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| #8 |
Yuri
Sephiroth
and Aeris |
| This "Sephiroth" costume is just
a trenchcoat and a bad wig. Both participants are slightly on the
androgynous side but presumed female.
Who's going to stab who in this
relationship?
|
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| #7 |
Tonberry
vs. Cloud |
| Limit
Break! Tonberry's chef's knife is aimed right for Cloudette's breasts, but Cloud
can still use Ultima to knock the stupid Burger King Crown off Tonberry's
head! Perhaps she'll also slice open his fucking bedsheet robe.
|
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| #6 |
FFVIII
Undead |
These
zombies found the energy to pose for this photo after eating Selphie and
Rinoa's delicious brains.
The most half-assed Final Fantasy VII
cosplay ever features a strung-out Quistis, a reanimated zombie Edea, and
an Irvine whose only distinguishing costume features are the hat, the
coat, and the fact that he looks like an idiot.
|
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| #5 |
Black
Mage Village |
| Black
Mages are the worst thing anyone could possibly cosplay. They never look
good to begin with and are usually halloween "scream" masks with
felt eyes glued on them with stupid-ass bedsheets for robes. These two
cosplayers are no exception.
Top: His stupid bedsheet not concealing
his immense girth nor the white shocks with black tennis shoes, this
black mage is dolled up with his con badge, walkie-talkies, camera,
bag, and other menagerie of stupid otaku crap. This is just downright
pathetic.
Bottom: He/she used black magic to bake a pot
pie! WTF? What sort of fucking black mage has oven mitts?!
|
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| #4 |
Yaoi/Yuri
Sephiroth/Vincent |
The
mutations from the JENOVA project have met up--and fallen in love!!! Let's
establish what's going on in this picture: it's a yuri rendition of a yaoi
couple. So, essentially, it's two fangirls pretending they are male video
game characters who they also pretend are gay, not acknowledging the
incompatibility between the hot guys' alleged sexuality and their gender,
and then they pretend that have become female versions of said male
characters who already share same-sex love. Does your head hurt yet? Vincent Valentine, whose shitty costume is devoid of the character's
characteristic face mask, is the bitch in this relationship. Fucking
fangirls. |
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| #3 |
Tidus
Bares it All |
NIPPLES!
The thought of Tidus with his shirt way too open, revealing his pale,
scrawny chest and nipples, is so exciting I just might blitz off! I
like the accidental contrast between the Verizon logo and the
"Brotherhood" sword. |
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| #2 |
Fucking
Twit |
|
"I fucked an Al-Bhed!"
(Too bad it was Brother.) |
 |
| #1! |
MEGA-GARNET! |
|
Winner of the Fourth Mega-Amelia Award, for
destroying my love of Final Fantasy games, is... MEGA-GARNET!!!
Our fukuteer Taiki found
this picture and was moved to repulsion, though he usually doesn't like
mocking cosplayers. Fact of the matter is, you can see this girl's nooks
and crannies, even without the fact that most of her costume is just a
giant bra. I try my best to respect the plus-sized fans who want to
cosplay out there, but this isn't even a costume that should be
particularly revealing! It's like she's just squeezing into a smaller
girl's clothes with total disregard for the fact that IT'S SO TIGHT IT'S
MURPHING HER VAGINA.
Why do we have so many
"megas" in first place, anyway? Well, why are there people in the world
sadistic enough to wear something like this in public? I can only hope she
was unable to save her game. I was unable to save my lunch.
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