| Fucking
O-Link-u!: Soul Otaku | December 2003 |
December, 2003's Fucking O-Link-u! Honoree:
Soul
Otaku
|
He is their leader. And he's fisting Cammy.
|
This week's Fucking O-Link-u! is a special gift
for our design guru Louse who insists quite surely that he has been fortunate
enough to never encounter any otaku in his home state of Britain. Well, Lloey,
I'm comin' right back at ya with proof positive that British otaku DO exist, so
you'd better watch out for 'em -- they're extra-loony gits, at that! To enter
this website is to be IMMEDIATELY assaulted by some fucking stupid cheesy anime
MIDI. The design features not only a horrible anime MIDI jukebox (okay, just one
HORRIBLE song looping infinitely KILL ME NOW) but also about a thousand
obnoxious animated GIFs and FRAMES! Hell-LO?! Frames are so 1997!!! I've
seen obnoxious AzN geocities webpages fOh MaH bOo that have more substance and
better design than this fucking site. But, ya know, ridiculing webdesign can
only get us so far.
Welcome to the world of Soul Otaku; FINALLY, an
anime club for the lonely otaku in Brighton-upon-East Sussex! Now the desperate
otaku of Britain can get together and discuss such pressing matters as what
level of otaku they think they are, which anime girl they think is hottest, and,
of course, which great anime they should watch next! This is, unfortunately, not
the sort of horrible otaku website that can be summarized or placed graphically;
nearly all of it is terrible beyond imagine in the text realm. For this reason
you are going to have to enter this gigantic cornucopia of idiotic otakudom
yourself to fully appreciate the lunacy of these cheeky gits. (Who,
incidentally, can't tell the difference between "their" and
"there.") Now, this site hasn't been updated since 2000, apparently,
but it's still around and is a fair target.
They give you an opportunity to join their
ranks, and some foul weirdos actually jumped upon this for some reason,
including quite a few who do NOT live in Britain. Why would you want to become
an honorary ("honourary?") member of a British anime gathering? (Hell,
why would you want to become a regular member?) I don't get it, but I do know
the member profiles are pure gold:
| Monkey
Information
I own a small Anime and manga collection
plus some anime CDs and posters and am good friends with chipster.
Favorite Anime
Babe Skuld or Misumaru Yurika, I can't make my mind up.
Favorite Mecha
Gundam Heavy Arms
Favorite Anime Tunes
Themes for El Hazard, The mighty Jinnai,
anything by Sharon Apple.
Quote Baka
Baka! |
Monkey is the leader of this ragtag group. By
"leader" I mean he's the one whose house they use for their wacky
misadventures. In other words, he's the one who graciously volunteers his home
to a bunch of fucking otaku who leave stains on his furniture and have pissing
contests in front of the neighbors at 3 am drunk off their asses after
group-masturbating to Minmay on a combination of Red Bull and Nitrous Oxide. Fun
stuff for him. I'd almost feel sorry for him except for crying out loud, he
started a fucking group called 'Soul Otaku' and then made them a webpage!!!!!!!!
I could make fun of this guy for lots of things -- his favorite anime babe being
a tossup between Skuld (who's like what, 11?) and Misumaru Yurika, the fact that
he has a 'favorite anime babe,' or the fact that he apparently thinks Sharon
Apple is a real singer. Yeah, "baka baka," real cute there, Monkey.
Now let's look at the club's co-founder and
Monkey's partner in crime:
| Chipster
Information
Well started getting anime a very long
time ago !!. My favorite animes are Macross, Silent Möbius, Gall Force,
Urusei Yatsura, Nadesico, Hakkenden and Gundam. Well some otaku call me
the Black hole of anime because I consume all anime around me. Has
recently turned to the darkside of anime. By becoming a Sailor Moon fan.
Favorite Anime
Babe ! Sakura from Urusei Yatsura
Favorite Mecha
VF - 19 Valkyrie Fighter + Gundam Unit RX-78GP02
Favorite Anime Tunes
Planet Dance,
Angel Voice, Holy Lonely Night by Fire
Bomber. You Get To Burning from Nadesico.
White Reflection from Gundam Wing Endless
Waltz.
Quote
Gekigang Beeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaammmmm ! |
I could make fun of this guy for a lot
of things. Being a Fucking Otaku, for starters. But let's get to the meat and
potatoes of the matter -- the guy's recently turned to tbe darkside of anime. By
becoming a Salor Moon fan. Gee, I wonder if that could have ANYTHING to do with
your perverted attraction to seifuku...
I could do this all day and all night,
but honestly, it's just too easy. Let's look at a few more of the golden beacons
of the profile section. I don't believe any more commentary is necessary on my
part:
Andrew
Scott Mclachlan, Exiled Soul Otaku
| Name : Andrew Scott Mclachlan |
Email:None |
| Otaku Rating: Normal |
Site : None |
Information
Well what can I say I'm a DIEHARD Mecha
otaku who hates Kawaii & Fluffy anime in any shape or form. Macross
is the best anime ever invented so there *BLEH*. Also UNT Spacy will
kick Zion ass any time of the day etc. Oh I got into anime by a buddy of
mine and decided to stay !.
Also Andy is a Huge Collector of Gundam
& Mecha kits "I've seen his room it's
like a Bandai Warehouse" - Chipster
Favorite Anime
Babe Relena "Stalker" Peacraft but Then again Ruri
Hoshino *Just Kidding*
Favorite Mecha
YF - 19 Valkyrie prototype as flown by Isamu Dysan.
Favorite Anime Tunes
Just Comunication, White Reflection =
Gundam Wing, Escaflowne theme tune. All Minmay Tracks from Macross. Lets
not forget You get to Burning, Last impression by Two Mix.
Quote
"You've seen my Gundam you must die" |
| 2.
Frank Fermin
email: frankfermin@hotmail.com
Otaku rating: Die
Hard
Favourite Babe:
rei ayanami
Favourite Mecha:
evangelion unit 01
Favourite Anime
tune: cruel angel thesis
Favourite
Quote: yaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 3.
Benjamin Zera
email: bzera@aol.com
Otaku
rating: Rookie
Information:macross/fan
Favourite Babe:
Minnmie aka Minmay
Favourite Mecha:
valkyrie fighter ,SDF-1[The Macross]
Favourite
Anime tunes:
sound track
Favourite
Quote: pekka chu! |
| 7.
Zom
email: zombiebri@yahoo.com
Web address: http://www.geocities.com\tokyo\harbor\6471\index.html
Otaku
rating: Die Hard
Information:Die
hard from north of the border normal bloke with almost psicotic
tendincys and oh yes im dyslixic I am also into Games and am currently
learning Japanease. Did you know Otaku means geek
Favourite Babe:
Got to be Chungers from SF2 but mabe akami from The return of the
overfiend
Favourite Mecha:
Battle angel Alita
Favourite Anime
tunes:The main one from The return Of the Overfeind ( Wandering Kid)
Favourite
Quote: DIIIIIIIIIIEEEE (by nearly everyone) |
I can't say I understand why these fucking
people do what they do. It's sad that about 50% of the members were too irresistibly
funny NOT to publicly mock. Now, this fucking MIDI has been blaring for far too
long for me to take any more of this page, so it's time for this month's article
to come to an end, but be sure to check out the site on your own (turn your
speakers off first) for a true look at otaku who bring unforgivably terrible
taste to both their choices in anime as well as their website design.
I will leave you with the rules of the club,
which are also not even worth commenting on; they're that funny:
Club Rules
1: No Hentai, unless it has been approved by
the founders .
2: Piracy is bad, we be no pirates here -ooaar!!
But fan subs are fine, and we've had the chance to watch Macross 7, Nadesico,
Revolutionary girl Utena and Bastard!
Ciao, and may your soul be spared.
~Chiriko
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