July, 2004's Fucking O-Link-u! Honoree:
 The Anime Fanservice Image Gallery

Fanservice. Don't you just love fanservice? Nothing better than a little softcore pornography to nullify the artistic value of a piece of media you're watching in favor of a cheap thrill, right? Well, the otaku over at anime-fanservice dot org couldn't agree more! In fact, they've patched together a fanservice gallery from tons of different shows, so you don't have to wade through hours of pointless crap and story to get your panty-shots and breasts. Goddammit, people, don't encourage this kind of thing!

If there's one good thing to say about anime-fanservice.org, it's the fact that their html is excellent for people who haven't updated their browsers since 1998. (Also, the logo I stole at the top of this page wasn't originally a transparent-background .gif, they just made the background the same as the page color. Classic.) That said, what the hell is this shit?! Seriously... what's the purpose of this site?! Let's click on the FAQ and find out...

Oh. Wait. The FAQ is fucking useless. No way will I be able to figure out what was going through the site creator's head when he made it with a shitty FAQ like this. Let's take a look, shall we?:

As you can see, nowhere in the FAQ does it say "Why did you waste x hours of your life to make this site?" Pity. Makes our jobs a whole lot harder over here at FuKu.

The "Ecchi Edits" section isn't funny, isn't sexy, isn't interesting, and isn't even well-done visually. The forums are apparently a nest for some spyware-popups. So aside from the galleries, there really isn't much to this site in terms of content.

I find it hilarious that their "Credits" section lists all the titles they used in the site, along with its creators and copyright holders, but nowhere on the Credits page does it contain the usual disclaimer blurbs such as "This site is for recreational purposes. No one is making any money off this absurd compilation of softcore pr0n." The ray of light in the Credits List is the phrase "chimp-simple html". I think that outdid my "1998-friendly web page design" way of describing the site. Not that I have anything against advanced/complex web design, but you have to applaud the simplicity, right? Especially when "chimp-simple" apparently means "frames circa 1998." On an "It's a small world" note, back in 1998 I used to chat with the guy behind Harsh Mistress Television, who created the "I Must Increase My Bust" video found in the Ecchi AMVs section. Sigh.

I am flipping through the fanservice gallery and I'm wondering why I am not drinking anything alcoholic right now. You have to give them credit, though. They didn't just take screencaps, they patched together those dramatic, shots that pan across a female form. Something has to be said for all that extra effort just to get... extended-edition... softcore porn... screencaps. Case in point:

I mean, goddamn, that's a lot of work right there.

Now, we're not usually a site to sit around pointing and laughing at fetishes and the plethora of weird crap people tend to masturbate to... but a big and hilarious part of this site definitely lies in the rather loose definition of "fanservice" that includes rather disturbing and bizarre scenes. In other words, there's a lot of reaching, and it's pretty hilarious, particularly if you consider that this gallery is potentially intended with masturbation fodder in mind. With that in mind, and since there's not really much else here in the way of text content, that means only one thing... ON TO THE PICTURES!!!

Rin's favorite picture on the site.	Some more Love Hina crap. Oh, those wacky hijinx!
A scene from an episode of Hanaukyo Maids, presumably a later one.	A shot from Hanaukyo Maids I couldn't resist putting up. Doesn't it look like she's about 3 seconds away from a facial? Cumshot!
Chiriko's favorite picture on the site. (Especially the subtitles!) Good to see they're equal-opportunity fanservice-whores. (And they apparently are also into implied softcore shotakon.)	Okay... they're REALLY reaching. Yeah, that's, like, SO fucking hot.
Softcore guro? Yeah, nothing's hotter than that scene in Eva where Rei's arm falls off... why is it hot? Uh... SHE'S NAKED! Therefore, it must be hot!	Aaaand, last but not least, it's that scene from the Evangelion movie where Shinji ejaculates all over his hand to the site of topless Asuka in a coma. Oh, man, so fucking hot! Thank you, anime-fanservice dot org!

All in all, this type of site just encourages the tradition of fanservice, dumbing down fandom and providing a vital service for the weirdo soft-core fetishists out there. If you were going to masturbate to some porn, wouldn't it be best if you opted to look at a gallery filled with, ya know, porn? Fanservice is a ludicrous tease, a bit of momentary unrealistic sexual fantasy in the middle of what might be an otherwise interesting show (Hanaukyo Maids and Love Hina need not apply), but the idea of archiving it? That would imply that it's something important and interesting enough to actually deserve to be archived!

So, in summation, this waste of time and bandwidth basically equates to a gathering of fanservice fans. Openly loving fanservice is, after all, a calling card of the FnO. Look, kids, go get yourselves some actual porn, anime or otherwise, but stop wanking it faster'n Shinji whenever a nipple pops out -- the world will be a better place for it.

~Rin / Chiriko